If you knew I'd be gone tomorrow, would it make you want to hold me tonight? If you knew the clock was ticking, that tomorrow I'd walk away, or be taken away, if you knew tomorrow I'd be in a terrible car crash or die in childbirth or just plain walk away because I'm tired of feeling like some roommate instead of your wife.
If you knew you only had one more night to love me, to hold me, to tell me that you loved me, would you have spent it in front of the computer...again? Would you have rolled over and gone to bed without me...again? Would you have forgotten to tell me and kiss me goodnight? If you were scared of losing me, would you ever let a day go by like this one?
If you knew I'd be gone tomorrow would you have been so harsh with your words today? Spitting them at me with accusation and frustration and bitterness. Would you resent the little things I ask of you if you knew tomorrow I wouldn't be here to do them for?
If you knew I'd be gone tomorrow, would you then desire to make love to me tonight? Would the desire come back? Or would you just be grateful that after tonight you wouldn't have to feel pressured into sex anymore?
Would it be different if I was prettier? Thinner? Not pregnant? I do the things you like. I try so hard to be the woman you desire. But what am I supposed to do when you desire nothing? Why are you more drawn to Minecraft and YouTube then to me? Why do you desire to spend your nights in the electronic glow of screens instead of being naked in my arms?
I thought men want sex. I thought my husband would feel so lucky to have a wife who really wanted sex. How many husbands out there wish their wives wanted regular sex with them? And here I am. Willing, wanting...getting nothing. You don't want me. You never want me. You give in for my needs. You don't need me. You don't need a wife. Why did you marry me? You would have been happier alone, wouldn't you? No one to bother or nag or take away from the beautiful distraction of electronic worlds.
We finally got what we wanted...babies, twins! They'll be here so soon and you and I won't be the same then. It won't be just us. I want to make sure to make the efforts to keep us close. But I don't think you will. I think for you it will be a relief. Me busy with babies....will you even help? Or will you just escape to the screens like you always do. Will anything change for you? Will these babies be different then your others? Do you even WANT to be in their lives? Do you even want to be in mine anymore?
Will you ever want me again? Did you ever really want me at all?
