Me

I don't know why I am the way I am or why I interpret things the way I do. I don't know why I let innocent things hurt and offend me or make me feel less valuable as a person....or mother, or wife. I don't know why when you do something generous my mind turns it into something negative because somewhere inside me I'm certain you didn't want any part of it and did it only out of obligation and not out of love. Logically, I know I must be wrong because I know you love me and even if you weren't in the mood you still did something for me because you love me and want to make me happy. So why won't my heart believe that? Why do I feel wounded and distant and pull away from the one person who loves me? Why am I this way?

Starved

Being apart from you hurts me. Deeply, emotionally, physically hurts me. My body aches for your touch, for your arms around me. I feel affection starved...no kisses, no hand to hold with fingers intertwined with mine, no one reaching for me in the night, no one to hold me after a bad dream, no lovemaking...just lonliness. Ugly, miserable lonliness. And the need for your touch overwhelms me and pushes me deep below the surface where I can think of nothing but the emptiness and the hurts...it just hurts and hurts so much.

When You're Gone

When you're gone, I don't know how to be me anymore. I don't want to go places or do things or see people...I don't want to live my life without you. So I put it all on hold, refusing to truly live when you're not there to live it with me. I crawl into bed and pull up the covers and hide from life, choosing instead to disappear into dreams where we can be together and where it doesn't hurt so much and where the time apart goes more quickly. I'd like to stay here in bed until we're truly together again, but while I ignore life, it won't ignore me and eventually I must pretend again to be okay with living without you...but I'm not okay, I'm never okay without you.

Bless Me?

"Bless Mommy, bless Grandma, bless Daddy..." No blessing for me...why would you?

Understand

Why don't you ask when you know something's wrong? Why do you insist on acting like everything's fine? Why won't you talk to me when I really need you to? Why don't you understand how it feels for me to be here alone, watching our life happen without me....and even worse, with someone else taking my place. Why don't you see the problem with that or why it would hurt me? Why don't you understand?

Want Me

You do things for me, you think of me, you say things to make me smile or laugh or melt my heart...you do and say so many things that I enjoy about you...but what I need is for you to want me...why don't you want me?

Desire A Desperate Need

All I want at this moment is to have you hold me, naked in your arms, and making love to me for hours...I want you, I need you, now.